Back Then You Ain’t Want Me…
Love can be quite confusing. Somewhere between the one millionth and one millionth and first time I heard Mike Jones say “Back then you ain’t want me, now I’m hot, you’re all on me” and the five out-of-the-blue phone calls from my I ex, I got really mixed up.
I saw him in the grocery store and we talked for two minutes at the most. Now, he’s blowing up my phone. Naturally, I’ve moved on to another relationship—my ex knows this. My current boyfriend and I have been together for eight months now and we’re going strong. So Mike Jones got me to thinking: what is it that makes a man want you back after he’s let you go?
I grabbed my tape recorder, a pad and a pen to find out why guys want women once they’re with someone else. I even had to get a psychologist to attempt to make sense out of this. It’s very interesting to say the least:
“When a woman is happy in a relationship, she does give off great vibes that make men attracted to her,” says Washington, D.C.-based psychologist Dr. Satria Streeter. “More importantly, however, is not the fact that she is happy in a relationship; it’s the fact that she is happy, period. When an individual is in a positive space in their life, they are able to interact with others more positively, and thus, people are drawn to them both romantically and otherwise. Happiness is very attractive.”
Here’s what men I approached on the street had to say:
We don’t want to see her happy with someone else because we realize [that] what we had was good and we want it back.
-Dee, White Plains, NY
For me, it’s all about reality sinking in. “Wow, she’s with someone else…I can’t have her anymore? But I thought we were…man, forgets this! I ain’t lettin’ no dude move in on MY girl.” It’s like this: it’s simple human nature. At times, we all want what we can’t have and other times you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
-Elmo Ramos, Jr. aka DJ FLEXX
“A love lost is a love to be found.” My point is that it’s up to you to want to recognize love before your pain is conceived by seeing the loved one you lost love someone else.
-COLIE, Stamford, CT
“Because her love is the shhhhhh…funny, but honest. Or, because she still has a piece of my heart.
-Skye, NYC
It’s sort of human nature, both with females and males, to want what you can’t have, even if you’ve had it already. Also, jealousy is human nature, and we don’t want to see them happy with someone else. You don’t realize what you got, until it’s gone.
-D, VA
It goes like this, as a guy, you broke up with someone that at one point in time you truly loved them. You still love them but you’re not in love with them. You care about their well being and you want them to be happy. Then you take that and put it with the fact that you’re not completely happy with your current situation whether you’re single, in another bad relationship, whatever.
So you call your ex because your familiar with them, you love them, they understand what makes you tick and then you talk to them out of real feelings—not just passion or lust. Then you both get confused because you haven’t talked like that since early in your relationship when you actually were in love. Then everything gets awkward and you move on with your life, or you’re stuck on the idea of what could’ve been but will never be.
-Wesley, Bridgeport, CT
I guess there are a lot of things to consider, but ultimately, guilt may have set in. This guy finally realizes that he made a mistake by letting this young lady go and now he’s driven to get her back. In addition, now that she has moved on and have someone new in her life, egotism will play a huge part in his motives because in his skewed way of thinking, he will view it as a competition.
-T.O, Baltimore
Happiness, regret, love, jealousy or competition? Which is it? All of the answers as to why he wants me back sound legit, so I guess it’s a case-by-case basis. Love is a puzzle where the pieces aren’t guaranteed to fit.
