Horoscopes : So This is Life Edition
Aquarius: 1/20-2/18
I might as well get this out now: You’re crazy and deranged –- and that’s on a good day! You are bursting with new ideas, but have no idea what to do with them. Your best company this month is a Virgo. They can help you make a plan and stick to it.
Pisces: 2/19-3/20
It seems everything that could go wrong with you this month will, as if somebody is purposely trying to test your patience. Hey, you might be right –- give those negative people the surprise of their life by being cool, calm and collected. Things will be better before you know it.
Aries: 3/21-4/19
Your fiery personality should make you a main attraction this month -–everybody loves it when you act like a drugged-out drama queen! My advice (as if you’re going to listen) is to keep your aggression at bay — someone very important is watching.
Taurus: 4/20-5/20
You’ve been extra energetic this month, which shocks the hell outta me since you are one of the laziest signs of the zodiac. It must be all that extra medication, huh? Whatever it is, it’s working for you, so get that promotion or that guy you’ve had your eye on –- do your hustle, girl!
Gemini: 5/21-6/20
It’s only a matter of time until your friends get fed up with your B.S. Face it Gemini, this month no one is impressed with your jabber jaws; there’s more to life than just talking about other people. Learn that before it’s too late…
Cancer: 6/21-7/22
Even though you can be an emotional mess, 99.9 percent of the time you are very focused and detached this month, making you bearable to be around. You know what you want and you are going to get it — no crying fits, okay?
Leo: 7/23-8/22
Okay, okay, you like attention. I get it! Sometimes it’s best to shut up than to try to get noticed all the time. Your personality is going to shine through even if you’re wearing a potato sack — give it a rest, geez…
Virgo: 8/23-9/22
You know, I could say some pretty nasty things about you — oh what the hell, why not! Every time I turn around you have a problem with others. Here’s a question: What’s YOUR problem? This month, give the criticism a rest.
Libra: 9/23-10/22
Everyone has a breakthrough month when they finally have a stroke of good luck (Not to mention some other strokes you’ve needed. Ha!). Your time has come, but take heed — with fortune comes fake “friends”. Make sure you are keeping the right company.
Scorpio: 10/23-11/21
I can’t make you listen to me, stubborn ass, but I will say this: The more you try to control others actions and feelings, the more people will pull away from you — as if you didn’t have enough drama in your life! K.I.S.S (keep it simple, sweetie)
Sagittarius: 11/22-12/21
You have more male fans than you can shake a stick at, and with your “the more the merrier” outlook, you don’t mind playing a few choice men at the same time. Listen Sag: you can play all you want, but be prepared to have the same done to you.
Capricorn: 12/22-1/19
You’re charismatic, charming and incredibly flirty. This is not the Capricorn I know! This month has brought out a whole new side of your personality, and for all the naysayers that counted you out –- tell them to kiss your ass! You’ve earned this — enjoy it.
