Love Jones : Relationship Help from Miss Know It All

About three years ago, I stopped messing with a guy that meant a lot to me because I cheated on him and I felt really bad. I never told him why I broke it off and he still doesn’t know. He recently returned to my life and the attraction is still there. We both want to give it another try. Should I start this go-round out on the right foot and tell him why I broke it off the first time?
~Dear Starting Off on the Right Foot,
We know that you have a conscience! If this man has returned to your life and is willing to give it another try, then go for it. I beg to differ with your idea of starting off on the right foot. Unless the brotha asks, say nothing. Should the question arise, simply tell him that you still have feelings for him and that during your last relationship with him, you had personal issues that you needed to deal with. Explain to him that these issues were related to your fear of commitment at that point in your life. Obviously, that was your issue. Telling him that you cheated on him in the past (after you broke up with him with no warning or reason) will not make him comfortable with starting over with you. Sometimes as women, we have to save some things for ourselves and understand that there are just some things men do not want to hear. He does deserve an explanation should he ask, but just be careful of the details.

I’m committed to one person in my life right now — me. It’s my time to be single, but I feel like one of my friends is in a relationship with me. She’s good people and I enjoy her company, but I’m just not ready for a relationship. How do I get her to take a step back?
~Dear IN TO ME,
You can start by telling her. Now where would she get the crazy idea that she is in a relationship with you? If she is your friend, as you have suggested, the least you can do is keep it real with her. Brothers always wanna talk about keeping it real, but I am sure she will step back if you step up and tell her that you are into “you” at the moment. After all, if she realized you were into yourself, she probably wouldn’t be interested anyway. But don’t get it twisted — if she has been misled long enough, you could be facing a thin line between love and hate. Step up!

I feel like my husband doesn’t want me anymore. We recently had a baby, which was a total accident. He won’t talk to me or deal with me much for anything other than the baby. There has never been talk of a split, but I feel we are headed in opposite directions. Financially, I can’t make it alone. What should I do? Can I still make it work?
~Dear Can’t Make it Alone,
It seems like there are unresolved emotions stemming from the conception and birth of your child. Often men who feel as though they have been trapped (and not to say that is the case) transfer their affection from the mother to the child. I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. Nothing can be resolved until you discuss how you feel with your husband. Depending on his emotional state of mind, this could be salvageable. Also, before speaking with your husband, re-evaluate yourself and determine whether or not you too have changed since the birth of the baby. Sometimes, without realizing it, new mothers forget that they are wives and companions as well.

I’ve been with my man for over a year now and we just found out he has a son that he thought was his nephew. He slept with his brother’s then-girlfriend, now current wife. I’m thinking about leaving him because his past behavior might indicate his present behavior. Is my thinking this right?
~Dear Judgmental,
The key words here are “we just found out.” Apparently, your boyfriend is not the only one with skeletons in the closet. Obviously, the brother’s current wife has a graveyard she’s keeping. Although sleeping with your brother’s girlfriend does rank as pretty skank, he didn’t do it alone. I could understand if he hid this from you, but right now, he has larger fish to fry. He has to deal with learning of a son that he thought was his nephew, his brother who is learning that his son is his nephew and a girlfriend who is ready to leave him. This is a true test of your love for this man. Right now, he needs a support system, not more drama. Either you have his back or you don’t. If you do, stand by him and let him know that this is pretty phunked up, but it is what it is. If you aren’t willing to stand by him, let him go and work out his issues without you. You do have to make a decision, however, because you can’t stick around only to remind him of a mistake he already knows he made.