Sexual Addiction: Could This Be You?

Addiction. A sometime’s self-destructive pattern of behavior. As nature would have it, we all indulge in some form of addictive behavior.  When something feels good, we are driven to do it again.  From the simplest addictions, such as nail biting, to the more serious addictions, of drug use, gambling, and yes, even sexual addiction.

Depending on whom you ask addiction can range from a self-control issue, a morality issue, a character flaw, to a hereditary gene.  The most popular theory deems addiction a disease.  Regardless of the theory, addiction is very real, especially Sexual Addiction.

Meet Angel.  Angel began having sex at the age of 12.  Now 36, she is the divorced mother of a teenager.  When she thinks back on when her addictive behavior began, she realizes that she was first introduced to sexual dependency as a child.  Initially, Angel was fascinated with pornographic magazines, which she discovered at her local grocery store.  After sneaking her first magazine, she began to immerse herself in not only the pictures, but also the articles themselves.  Unable to fully appreciate or understand what she was reading, she started out by acting out the articles she read.  At a young age, her first sexual addiction was masturbation.  Fascinated by the ability to pleasure herself, she continued to explore the art of masturbation and found herself indulging multiple times daily.   As her curiosity grew, her sexual appetite grew as well.  By the time Angel was in high school, she had experienced what most of us have yet to do well into marriage.  Angel had no inhibitions or complexes.  She indulged in heterosexual relations as well as bi-sexual relations, and found that both satisfied her desire for sex.  When she found herself sad or lonely, she replaced those feelings with sexual pleasure. 

Although Angel loved her husband in the beginning, she never truly felt the deep, overwhelming adoration that most women do when they decide to get married.  In the back of her mind, she thought that getting married would actually feed her addiction in a more controlled manner.  She looked forward to having sex whenever and however she wanted.  What Angel didn’t bargain for, was the sexual hunger that remained well into her marriage.  That hunger led to infidelity, which ultimately led to the demise of her marriage. 

Damon is like a rolling stone.  Well aware of his sexual addiction, he has no desire to stop.  Damon attributes his addiction to the bizarre relationship he had with his high school guidance counselor.  Although the act of intercourse never fully took place, she did allow Damon to look and to touch her sexually.  This pattern began in Damon’s sophomore year in high school and continued until he graduated.  Damon, who was a virgin until his junior year in high school, finds his sexual appetite to be typical of the millennium male.  Damon has never had a steady girlfriend.  Turning 30 this year, he has no plans to settle down.  He finds that being with one female does not interest him.  A corporate executive by day, Damon indulges in sexual fantasies at night.  Damon spends at least five days a week with as many as seven females.  Now let’s calculate that.  This means that often times Damon is having sex with multiple partners at one time, or multiple partners within a span of time.  …according to Damon, both.  

Shelly and Jay, married for five years, are swingers.  Now that brings a new meaning to the word commitment.  When asked how they met, the two giggled.  Apparently, this couple had already identified their sexual addiction.  They both belonged to the same support group.  Conquering their addiction together, Shelly and Jay dated for two years before getting married.  Within a year into the marriage, Shelly confessed her sexual cravings to her husband.  The two totally adore each other, but battle their sexual demons constantly.  After talking it over, the two agreed to try joining a swingers group.  They felt that if they indulged in their sexual desires together, it would minimize the chance for their addictions to gain control of their lives again.  Shelly and Jay swing 2-3 times a month.  Well aware that they are still addicts, the two feel not only does swinging allow them to get their “fix”, but they also feel that it strengthens the ties that bind.

When asked if they feel that their recovery was a failure, the two agreed that once and addict, always an addict.  

Jade is a 23-year-old lesbian.  She began having sex her senior year in high school.  Though not always a lesbian, Jade has always had an insatiable appetite for sex.  Believing that her addiction began when she was dating her high school sweetheart, Jade reveals that her addiction may stem from her molestation at the hands of her uncle. Jade remembers that her uncle used to fondle her between the ages of 10-13.  When her menstrual cycle began, the molestation ceased.  

While in her freshman year of college, Jade had recently broken off her three-year relationship with her boyfriend.  In an attempt to comfort her, she and her roommate became lovers.  Initially, Jade continued dating men while sleeping with her roommate.  Jade feels that the convenience of the sex with her roommate, made her crave sex more often.  Jade and her roommate remained lovers through the end of her sophomore year.  During that time, she found it hard to maintain a meaningful relationship with anyone.  Instead of going to football and basketball games or parties, Jade wanted to hang back and indulge in sex with her roommate, or whoever was available.  It was around that time when Jade stopped sleeping with men completely. According to Jade, her relationships never lasted long because she could never open up emotionally.  She came across to her lovers as cold.  Jade says she tried to open up, but could never quite get there.  Jade recognized her problem, and joined a support group nearly a year ago.  When asked if the support group helped, Jade said yes. Though not able to abstain from sex completely, she has been able to identify the things that trigger her episodes.  She has learned to replace her cravings with more constructive and less destructive activities.  Jade says she is glad that she identified her problem at an early age because she wants to one day settle down and have a family of her own.  Jade feels it is hard enough being a lesbian in today’s society, even harder being a lesbian with a sexual addiction.

Sex addicts exhibit the inability to control or to postpone sexual actions.  Typical of addiction, sexual thrills often take precedence over family, social life, career, and even health.  Addiction is defined as the repeated, compulsive use of a substance or activity, regardless of the social, physical, and psychological repercussions. 

The symptoms of sexual addictions are usually revealed in several phases: Preoccupation: continual fantasies about sexual prospects or situations. This can trigger “acting-out.” Ritualization: a preferred sexual activity or situation is often stereotyped and repetitive. Compulsion: continual engagement in sexual activity despite negative consequences and desire to stop. Despair: guilt or shame over their inability to control behavior or feel remorse.

As with other addictions, there is treatment for sexual addiction.  Counseling is available for those who are struggling with sexual addiction.  Overcoming this addiction starts with recognizing that there is a problem and that you are out of control sexually.  Recognizing the addiction means admitting to yourself that your behavior is not normal and interferes with having a normal lifestyle as well as recognizing the things that trigger those behaviors.

Addiction is a very personal affliction and understandably, may go untreated longer because of this.  Not everyone wants to discuss his or her sex lives, sexual fetishes, or perversions.  Treatment for sexual addiction should involve some of the following:

• Abstinence
• Rebuilding relationships
• Managing stress
• Self-help

 If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual addiction, there is help.  The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) provides resources to those searching for information about sexual addiction.  For more information about SASH and sexual addiction, log onto www.ncsac.org. 

Sexual addiction is very real and many people suffer from this disorder.  Don’t wait until it is too late. Get help now.